I am quite sure that I distinctly remember loving the holidays as a child. We got to travel and I got presents and the whole family was together. I must have thought it was nice in my naive little world. Now that the plague of adulthood has struck me down with disease that it brings - complete inability to be as happily ignorant as I once was - I suffer my way through the holidays.
I guess I don't really know how things go for anyone else, but around my family, the holidays have always been a huge stress. I didn't notice it as much as a young girl, but as the years have gone on, I have become more and more aware of my mother's terse tone when discussing our plans and the women around the table making disparaging comments about this member of the family or another and how they never pull their weight for the celebrations.
My first issue this season is Thanksgiving. When I was home to my mother's house two weekends ago, my great-aunt Janie, my grandmother, my mother, and I all sat around the table after our Sunday dinner and began to discuss our plans for the upcoming feast. It seems important to note here that most of the family has negative feelings toward my cousin-in-law Pauline, who, with my second-cousin Rob, has four screaming little brat children. They live out in the boonies and complain that things are too far away to go to, but rarely, if ever, offer to host anything but their children's birthdays at their house. That fact came up, and Thanksgiving at Rob and Pauline's was immediately ruled out. My mother works the day before and the day after Thanksgiving, so, while our house is perfect for hosting with a large and mostly empty finished basement, it didn't make any sense to have her host. Aunt Janie's other child, Kathy usually does things with her husband's family on Thanksgiving, so they were out. Aunt Janie finally offered that she could do it if we had anything, but with everyone else seeming to have plans elsewhere, it was up in the air.
Last week, I got news that we were going to be celebrating Thanksgiving with my step-father's family. Normally, if we do anything with Dean's family, we go to Ohio. Around May of this year, though, Dean's brother Mark moved with his family to East Lansing to take his job with GM there. We would be celebrating at Mark and Laurie's house.
Dean's immediate family consists of his mother, her five children, four spouses, and ten grandchildren, the oldest of whom are me and my brother. Laurie's parents are also coming to celebrate. Dinner will be at 5 pm. This is very different for my family. We do most holidays around 2 pm, and that's when everyone lives within half an hour. I have to drive my ass all over the state that day and try to get the motivation to go shopping the next morning. Really unsure how this is going to play out. When my mother offered a few choices of things she could bring to help out, Laurie seemed to think that all of those things sounded delicious and she should bring them. All of them. So my mom is stressed out making almost all of the food for Thanksgiving dinner, except the stuffing and the turkey. I offered to take a few things off her hands, but apparently green bean casserole is the only thing with which she can trust me.
Here is the plan as it stands:
Tomorrow, I will work all day and go to the eye doctor. After that, I will go home and make sure my cats have enough food and water for the long weekend. Then I drive myself through holiday traffic to Rochester to go to dinner with Joe before spending the night at my father's house in Warren.
Thanksgiving morning, I wake up and say some heartfelt prayers for my sanity and that of my mother. I proceed to make green bean casserole in a crock pot to take to Mark and Laurie's. It goes with me on a two-hour (under good driving conditions with no traffic or construction) drive to East Lansing. I'm planning to get there around 2 pm or so. I will have to entertain all of the kids, since my brother will probably not be attending. Finally, we will get to eat at 5. After dinner, I head back toward the Detroit area and stay with my father again.
Friday morning, I wake up and try to get some shopping done while the deals are out. I highly doubt I will be able to actually get anything good, but it's worth a try and I have to do my holiday shopping sometime... Late Friday afternoon, I head up to my mom's house and help my step-dad get things ready for a dinner with my brother and grandma and some basic renovations the parents are doing. I spend Friday night in Port Huron with my mom.
Saturday, we might eat with Matt if he decides to answer the phone. Either way, I am spending the evening in the Southfield area for Swindle's party and seeing some people. I'm hoping that will be nice and relaxing, but knowing how some of my friends are when they have had a few drinks, I can't count on true comfort at that party. Saturday night, I will either crash at Swindle's or stay sober and drive back to Rochester.
Sunday, I get to spend the day doing nearly nothing and hanging out with Joe's family. Sunday afternoon, I depart for Allegan and go back to my reality of late nights in the office, as I am doing at the moment that I write this.
Total miles: 710, conservatively
Total driving time: 13 hours, 33 minutes at the speed limit
I think I hate the holidays.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Veteran's Day
It’s been a surprisingly stressful week. Not much has happened at work, but I’ve just been restless. I try to sleep a lot to make time go faster, but on the other hand, time is still moving too quickly. Too much is happening in the world and there is nothing I can do about it.
Here is a story. I met Betsy Burgess just before starting the sixth grade. My family reconnected with her family and they have been relatively close for the last ten years. I wouldn’t say that Betsy and I are particularly close friends, especially when compared to Emma, Kirsten, or Emily, but we have gone to each others’ birthdays and we were together through school for seven years including Confirmation and a very small middle school class. She and I always hung out in different crowds, but we were the link to the other group for each other. Betsy was more gossipy and popular than I was, as a general rule, and was friends with that higher class of teenagers. I was the nerdy drama kid who hung out with a completely different crowd. I disliked most of her friends and I’m quite sure she wasn’t particularly fond of mine, but we could be seen together at least once a week for something.
Betsy went to my church and my middle school, which was a big deal and guaranteed a lot of knowledge about the other person in so small a community as McCormick Catholic Academy. In our class of 25, there were only about ten to twelve girls, so we were at least relatively close. Betsy and I were involved in sports together, and when we split off to go into the high schools, the girls that went to Port Huron High School all got together and joined the tennis team to integrate ourselves into the high school scene. Thus, I stayed in sports with Betsy, and during our freshman year, our mothers formed a “Stitch and Bitch” club, in which a bunch of their friends got together without the men and spent time knitting, sewing, and talking about their problems.
Stitch and Bitch sessions were another opportunity that allowed me to spend time with Betsy. She and I would hang out upstairs while the women were working and talking, or we would go out or watch movies in the basement. It was a once-a-week social visit that seemed very out of place in our usual habits. Betsy has always been a gossip and she would generally take those opportunities to share with me how awful everyone else that I didn’t normally talk to was. I accepted at an early age that Betsy talks about people behind their back, and any person who thinks it doesn’t happen to them is an unhappy fool. I think that knowing Betsy was probably saying some nasty things about me when I wasn’t around helped my friendship with her. There were no illusions. I tried to just be a better person around her because I knew she would share anything I felt the need to share with her.
Another activity that brought us together out of the far reaches of our lives was historical reenactments. I would help her father (my history teacher) with reenactments of the French and Indian War and I had been doing them with her for years. Even though they constituted only two weekends out of my year, I loved doing the reenactments and Betsy and I always ended up spending a good amount of time together during them. I believe that the Feast of the Ste. Claire was the first time I met Shane.
Shane was Betsy’s favorite cousin. He was just a few years older than we were and they were very close. Later, I would see him at birthday parties and other events. We never really talked much, but I knew the relationship they had as friends and family.
Shane was killed during his second deployment to Afghanistan last Saturday. I didn’t even know he was over there until I heard he had been killed. Betsy talked to him frequently and tells me that he made it sound like he was perfectly safe over there. When I asked her if I could take her out to dinner, she easily accepted my offer. For the most part, we didn’t dwell on the topic, but she would talk about it every once in a while, peppering the conversation. She tells me that so many people have been asking if there is anything they can do and she just doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it. She went out with me because I had at least known him and known their relationship.
Today is Veteran’s Day. Shane’s body should be coming home by tomorrow and his family is preparing for his funeral. If you pray or think there is any chance at all that there is a God and he listens to us, pray for Shane Reifert’s family. Pray for the soldiers who are still fighting, those that have been injured, and those that have been killed in battle. Love your family and never take them for granted. Raise a flag, raise your hearts, and raise your voices. Pray for peace.
Here is a story. I met Betsy Burgess just before starting the sixth grade. My family reconnected with her family and they have been relatively close for the last ten years. I wouldn’t say that Betsy and I are particularly close friends, especially when compared to Emma, Kirsten, or Emily, but we have gone to each others’ birthdays and we were together through school for seven years including Confirmation and a very small middle school class. She and I always hung out in different crowds, but we were the link to the other group for each other. Betsy was more gossipy and popular than I was, as a general rule, and was friends with that higher class of teenagers. I was the nerdy drama kid who hung out with a completely different crowd. I disliked most of her friends and I’m quite sure she wasn’t particularly fond of mine, but we could be seen together at least once a week for something.
Betsy went to my church and my middle school, which was a big deal and guaranteed a lot of knowledge about the other person in so small a community as McCormick Catholic Academy. In our class of 25, there were only about ten to twelve girls, so we were at least relatively close. Betsy and I were involved in sports together, and when we split off to go into the high schools, the girls that went to Port Huron High School all got together and joined the tennis team to integrate ourselves into the high school scene. Thus, I stayed in sports with Betsy, and during our freshman year, our mothers formed a “Stitch and Bitch” club, in which a bunch of their friends got together without the men and spent time knitting, sewing, and talking about their problems.
Stitch and Bitch sessions were another opportunity that allowed me to spend time with Betsy. She and I would hang out upstairs while the women were working and talking, or we would go out or watch movies in the basement. It was a once-a-week social visit that seemed very out of place in our usual habits. Betsy has always been a gossip and she would generally take those opportunities to share with me how awful everyone else that I didn’t normally talk to was. I accepted at an early age that Betsy talks about people behind their back, and any person who thinks it doesn’t happen to them is an unhappy fool. I think that knowing Betsy was probably saying some nasty things about me when I wasn’t around helped my friendship with her. There were no illusions. I tried to just be a better person around her because I knew she would share anything I felt the need to share with her.
Another activity that brought us together out of the far reaches of our lives was historical reenactments. I would help her father (my history teacher) with reenactments of the French and Indian War and I had been doing them with her for years. Even though they constituted only two weekends out of my year, I loved doing the reenactments and Betsy and I always ended up spending a good amount of time together during them. I believe that the Feast of the Ste. Claire was the first time I met Shane.
Shane was Betsy’s favorite cousin. He was just a few years older than we were and they were very close. Later, I would see him at birthday parties and other events. We never really talked much, but I knew the relationship they had as friends and family.
Shane was killed during his second deployment to Afghanistan last Saturday. I didn’t even know he was over there until I heard he had been killed. Betsy talked to him frequently and tells me that he made it sound like he was perfectly safe over there. When I asked her if I could take her out to dinner, she easily accepted my offer. For the most part, we didn’t dwell on the topic, but she would talk about it every once in a while, peppering the conversation. She tells me that so many people have been asking if there is anything they can do and she just doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it. She went out with me because I had at least known him and known their relationship.
Today is Veteran’s Day. Shane’s body should be coming home by tomorrow and his family is preparing for his funeral. If you pray or think there is any chance at all that there is a God and he listens to us, pray for Shane Reifert’s family. Pray for the soldiers who are still fighting, those that have been injured, and those that have been killed in battle. Love your family and never take them for granted. Raise a flag, raise your hearts, and raise your voices. Pray for peace.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
NaNoWriMo - Thoughts for Next Year
These really wouldn’t work with my current plot and it feels way too late to start over, but some ideas have come to me for next year’s writing challenge. Perhaps I will use them for April’s script month instead, though I doubt that will ever happen.
1. The Dream. Okay, so in September, I had a really bad dream. It started with me picking up a baby. I knew her name was Charlotte and she was mine. As I put her next to her twin brother, I looked at him for a moment in confusion then remembered that since it was a boy, we had decided to name him Joey. My brain, obviously trying to point out that this was a dream and made no sense at all, started counting backward, realizing that I had had regular menstrual cycles for as long as I could remember and nine months ago, I was not with Joe, though I knew they were his children. I was at my mother’s house and it was early October. I walked out into the kitchen and told my mom that I didn’t remember having the babies. I had no recollection of the pain that would accompany child-bearing. She was a mixture of angry and shocked, asking that I didn’t remember the blood and having the babies in the bathtub and all that came along with it? I didn’t. I knew that these things didn’t make sense. I walked into the kitchen and saw the date was a year in the future. I told my mom I had to call Joe and she said he wouldn’t talk to me anyway because I had cheated on him six months before that.
I will update with more ideas later, but it is the end of my work day.
1. The Dream. Okay, so in September, I had a really bad dream. It started with me picking up a baby. I knew her name was Charlotte and she was mine. As I put her next to her twin brother, I looked at him for a moment in confusion then remembered that since it was a boy, we had decided to name him Joey. My brain, obviously trying to point out that this was a dream and made no sense at all, started counting backward, realizing that I had had regular menstrual cycles for as long as I could remember and nine months ago, I was not with Joe, though I knew they were his children. I was at my mother’s house and it was early October. I walked out into the kitchen and told my mom that I didn’t remember having the babies. I had no recollection of the pain that would accompany child-bearing. She was a mixture of angry and shocked, asking that I didn’t remember the blood and having the babies in the bathtub and all that came along with it? I didn’t. I knew that these things didn’t make sense. I walked into the kitchen and saw the date was a year in the future. I told my mom I had to call Joe and she said he wouldn’t talk to me anyway because I had cheated on him six months before that.
I will update with more ideas later, but it is the end of my work day.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
NaNoWriMo - New Ideas
New Title: The Autobiography of Emily Faye
Synopsis: Toward the end of her life, Emily Faye (Parlan) (Muir) Dunham compiles her life story, using her father's video journal he left for her, her mother's writings about her from her pre-school days, bits of her own diary entries and blog posts, her half-brother's references to her in his own assignments, narrating before each major section.
Use same characters as mentioned, same basic outline of life, trials and tribulations and bullshit, a divorce, some bad stuff, some good stuff, maybe some futuristic science fiction or throw in a bit of post-alien contact stuff or something to make it more ridiculous. Emily born in 1982, so timeline is a bit different and all time period entries will be adjusted accordingly from here out.
Synopsis: Toward the end of her life, Emily Faye (Parlan) (Muir) Dunham compiles her life story, using her father's video journal he left for her, her mother's writings about her from her pre-school days, bits of her own diary entries and blog posts, her half-brother's references to her in his own assignments, narrating before each major section.
Use same characters as mentioned, same basic outline of life, trials and tribulations and bullshit, a divorce, some bad stuff, some good stuff, maybe some futuristic science fiction or throw in a bit of post-alien contact stuff or something to make it more ridiculous. Emily born in 1982, so timeline is a bit different and all time period entries will be adjusted accordingly from here out.
Monday, November 1, 2010
NaNoWriMo - Characters
Ben: sixteen years old, gets girlfriend pregnant and does not know, finds out about baby about a week before he is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and given three months to live. Records video for unborn child documenting the important lessons he has learned in life, experiences that have brought him to these lessons, his hopes for the baby, discussion with Katie as to the name of the child, tells baby what he wants for her, etc. Tells story through the video. Will include his words and his facial expressions, and any background in his portions of story. Ben’s monologue takes place in 1999.
Katie: story told through prayer, we see her in Ben’s video, gets pregnant and tells boyfriend shortly before he is diagnosed with cancer, kicked out of her home and finishes high school with the help of Ben’s mom, Janie. Janie raises Katie and her daughter, helping Katie bring the child up as her sister instead of her daughter. Katie marries Manny at age 24 in 2008. Daughter serves as flower girl. Upon her engagement, Katie and Janie tell 7 yr old daughter Emily that she was adopted by her grandmother and she is actually Katie’s daughter. In 2010, Katie has twin sons, Tim and Tom, and five years later, she has a daughter, Elizabeth.
Janie: Ben’s mom, age is unimportant, probably around 40 when Ben dies, but tells the story in old age and in retrospect. Provides clues, hints, and foreshadowing as an overarching narrator and is opening character. She is very bitter and cynical, does not believe in God, and is generally very human in all of her storytelling. Perhaps develops a more compassionate character when discussing her granddaughter, has very low opinion of Katie’s parents, and takes care of business as it comes. Very strong woman. Ben’s father left them when he was seven and she feels no need for any man in her life.
Emily: Katie and Ben’s daughter, raised by grandmother Janie, spends youth believing that her mother is her older sister, but is not terribly shocked when she receives word otherwise. Tells her story through diary entries starting on the day that she is told about her biological mother in 2007. She is 25 years old for the majority of her story, though diary entries will span through some of her major accomplishments in life. She is very successful, and at the age of 25 just finished her Ph.D. in Microbiology, got hired into the FDA, and has been enjoying substitute teaching the science classes at the high school that her half-brothers attend for a few years. She got engaged to Engineering grad student Michael last year and is doing very well for herself.
Tim: Katie and Manny’s oldest son by barely an hour, very depressed. Tim is 15 years old when he attempts suicide. His story is told through suicide note and subsequent discussions with his psychiatrist. Needs more development.
Tom: Tim’s twin brother, very popular at school, fifteen years old, struggling with sexuality. Very close with half-sister Emily and tells most of his story in discussions with her. He comes out to her one day and has a lot of trouble dealing with his brother’s depression and violence. Sensitive and creative, but not “stereotypical”, Tim enjoys sports, avoids the drama club, plays trumpet, and has a strong knack for math. He seems very confident, but has a lot of internal struggle he can only talk about with his much older sister.
Elizabeth: ten years old, no real voice, secondary character. Tim and Tom's younger sister.
Manny: secondary character, no real voice, Katie's husband, Tim, Tom, and Elizabeth's father. Good parent and role model.
JoAnn and Ron Jacobson: Katie's very religious parents, not seen much, kick her out of her home when they find out she is pregnant
Katie: story told through prayer, we see her in Ben’s video, gets pregnant and tells boyfriend shortly before he is diagnosed with cancer, kicked out of her home and finishes high school with the help of Ben’s mom, Janie. Janie raises Katie and her daughter, helping Katie bring the child up as her sister instead of her daughter. Katie marries Manny at age 24 in 2008. Daughter serves as flower girl. Upon her engagement, Katie and Janie tell 7 yr old daughter Emily that she was adopted by her grandmother and she is actually Katie’s daughter. In 2010, Katie has twin sons, Tim and Tom, and five years later, she has a daughter, Elizabeth.
Janie: Ben’s mom, age is unimportant, probably around 40 when Ben dies, but tells the story in old age and in retrospect. Provides clues, hints, and foreshadowing as an overarching narrator and is opening character. She is very bitter and cynical, does not believe in God, and is generally very human in all of her storytelling. Perhaps develops a more compassionate character when discussing her granddaughter, has very low opinion of Katie’s parents, and takes care of business as it comes. Very strong woman. Ben’s father left them when he was seven and she feels no need for any man in her life.
Emily: Katie and Ben’s daughter, raised by grandmother Janie, spends youth believing that her mother is her older sister, but is not terribly shocked when she receives word otherwise. Tells her story through diary entries starting on the day that she is told about her biological mother in 2007. She is 25 years old for the majority of her story, though diary entries will span through some of her major accomplishments in life. She is very successful, and at the age of 25 just finished her Ph.D. in Microbiology, got hired into the FDA, and has been enjoying substitute teaching the science classes at the high school that her half-brothers attend for a few years. She got engaged to Engineering grad student Michael last year and is doing very well for herself.
Tim: Katie and Manny’s oldest son by barely an hour, very depressed. Tim is 15 years old when he attempts suicide. His story is told through suicide note and subsequent discussions with his psychiatrist. Needs more development.
Tom: Tim’s twin brother, very popular at school, fifteen years old, struggling with sexuality. Very close with half-sister Emily and tells most of his story in discussions with her. He comes out to her one day and has a lot of trouble dealing with his brother’s depression and violence. Sensitive and creative, but not “stereotypical”, Tim enjoys sports, avoids the drama club, plays trumpet, and has a strong knack for math. He seems very confident, but has a lot of internal struggle he can only talk about with his much older sister.
Elizabeth: ten years old, no real voice, secondary character. Tim and Tom's younger sister.
Manny: secondary character, no real voice, Katie's husband, Tim, Tom, and Elizabeth's father. Good parent and role model.
JoAnn and Ron Jacobson: Katie's very religious parents, not seen much, kick her out of her home when they find out she is pregnant
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