Fridays.

It's the Friday before a long weekend. No one is going to want to do anything. HOWEVER, now no one CAN do anything:



The title of the email references Murphy's Law, which makes me very happy with the coworker who sent it out. All may be lost, but we can still joke about it on a Friday.

I hope it turns out to be a fantastic Friday for everyone. I am heading to Chicago as soon as I get out of work today. Hoping to drop a lot of money this weekend. :)

Work - Part 1

This is going to be like a resume in several parts, only with all the details you wouldn't share with an employer.

My first job:

I have always loved children. Once, while in Wisconsin visiting a friend of mine, Greg, we were hanging out at an airfield waiting to jump out of a plane and there was a little girl walking around. She was probably about four years old and ADORABLE. She kept walking by us and smiling shyly at our group of friends. Greg, who was sitting behind me, snapped his eyes shut as soon as I turned to look at him. "I can't see you, but you have that smile, don't you?" Greg has seen me around children before.

My first job was babysitting. Big surprise. I think most girls take on babysitting as their first job. I was in the seventh grade and my piano teacher had three children and was mildly pregnant (about a 4 on a scale from 1-in labor.) She offered me free piano lessons in exchange for watching the kids while she taught the other piano lessons. I loved those kids. The oldest was Kelly (seven years old, at the time) and she helped me take care of the two younger kids, Rachel (four) and Max (one.) Kelly loved reading, Max loved heavy-duty equipment and big toy trucks, and Rachel loved her outside voice. For four years, I watched those kids, eventually moving from getting piano lessons to accepting $10/day for them. While I helped out, Jenny and Gerald had two more children, Ryan and Ashley.

By the time Ashley was born, I was only babysitting for the family on major dates every few months or so and I would usually be there with them from 6 pm to 3 am or whenever they came home from their night out. I didn't know about Ashley until she was a newborn. I saw the family in church and Jenny introduced her newest daughter as "our latest. We didn't really know she was coming until a few months in." It was a VERY unplanned pregnancy, and Jenny's body had been reacting a little strangely from the last four kids anyway, so she hadn't even known until she was four months pregnant.

I still see the kids sometimes, but now that I'm in college, it's very rare. Mostly, I'll see the family in church. Ashley is starting kindergarten next year and I wonder when I got so old. Kelly is a sophomore at Port Huron Northern HS next year, Rachel is no longer the little runt of a girl she once was and has started her own babysitting. Max, who accidentally called me "Mommy" when he was very young after a long day of hanging out with them is ten years old. Ryan doesn't even remember me when he sees me in church. I watched him for the first two and a half years of his life, I watched him grow from a newborn to the a strong, willful child, and he has no recollection of me being there except two years ago when I babysat for the last time for them. It makes me sad.

These are definitely NOT the droids you are looking for.

Happy Nerd Pride Day! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nerd_pride_day

Also, Happy Towel Day! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towel_Day

I hope everyone is having a fantastic day and nerding out. After work, I definitely plan on going home and watching bad sci-fi on Netflix (which is about the best deal ever, btw) and reading a Dresden Files book. I think this is a good plan.

Chapter 1 - Once upon a time

On the 18th day of the month of September, in an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the human race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to it's very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places.
So I was born. And then what? I don't really remember most of it. There are videos and photographs and tokens to the city pool that spark the smallest flashes of memory to surface now and again. The time my parents were together is a time almost completely forgotten by now. I don't know how to tell my story. Do I speak in only my own observations and ideas and memories, or do I add the bits I have gathered from family gossip and my grandmother's loose tongue? I don't remember being at a store with my grandmother and seeing the man my mother was dating and saying hello to him. Until my great-grandmother was dying, I had no idea that my mother ever engaged in such activities outside of her marriage to my father. But, as my grandma's alcohol-induced conscience likes to inform me, it happened. Here is what I could gather:

Daddy was an alcoholic. Mommy was lazy. Mom stayed at home with us all day while my dad was at work. She was supposed to be taking care of the children during the work day. I have no memory of this, as it only lasted until I was three or four years old. My dad tells me that he would be gone to work all day (ten hours including his drive to Mt. Clemens) and he would come home and the house would be a mess and my brother would be screaming with a full diaper. The relationship was bound to fail. They are just too different. My father expects everyone to be their own person, to take care of themselves and their things, and to work for their keep. My mother likes to spend money and cook and watch television. She was beautiful and young and I'm sure she was very exciting, but they shouldn't have been married.

Two children resulted from their union. I am the oldest and my brother, Matthew, is seventeen months younger than I am. Usually, there are big differences between siblings, but I feel like our separation is even greater than most. My friends see him as a trouble-maker, an underachiever, and a danger. I'm sure his friends see me as a tight-ass, an ugly duckling, and a stuck-up bitch who feels the need to be better than anyone else. They are probably completely correct in that assessment. When I was young, I liked to build things. I also liked to talk loudly, to sing poorly, and to write stories. Not much has changed, except a deeper drive to work for myself and a much tighter budget.

I am my father's child. I always look for the best deal. I save my money. I worry about my debt and constantly review my plans for the future. I know what I want to do with my life and I work hard to attain it.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, I think I'm done writing for now. Thanks for joining me and I will try to remember to post more tomorrow.

Ever hear the story of the three wells?

Well, well, well.


I haven't updated since I started this thing at the beginning of the month. I'm at work right now, but it is VERY nice outside, so I will be sitting on my back porch sometime tonight and writing something real for this blog. Actual blog post will be up tonight or tomorrow.

<3

Fights.

Him: See, completely different mood when I wake up. I can’t handle this. I tried to handle it before and now I remember why I unfriended you, and why I had to stop.
Maybe I will feel differently as time goes on, but as of this second I don’t want to go skydiving with you. We can’t be true friends until I’m not pissed at you.
I offered you an ultimatum months ago, and since you have picked your side, I should keep my word and stick to mine. I won’t understand how much you love him, but however much that is, that’s how much I hate him. Understand that. You have replaced me, so I should find a way to get on without you. That’s how I feel. I don’t want to have to deal with this or feel like this anymore. I can’t even think of what else to say, I am so mad, sad, and whatever else.
I want to stop wanting to hurt you. That WAS stopped for me the last two weeks. I hate the feeling, and I can barely live with myself when I only IMAGINE you crying.
Please help me cool off. Do or say SOMETHING.

Me: NAME! Whoa! I just got out of the shower to find five text messages. Give me a minute to absorb!

Him: I just want you to say something to me that will make it stop hurting termporarily. You’ve been able to do that before.

Me: I don’t know what you want me to say. If I knew what would help, I would say it.

Him: Tell me something reassuring. Tell me I’m wrong about something.

Me: FIRST MIDDLE LAST, you are my bff and everything is going to be alright. We are both growing up still.

Him: How long do I have to wait for you to fall out with (innocent) like you did with me? I have a hard time waiting that long; see how fucked up I got in just 2 months?

Me: Tell me again why I have to do that?

Him: Why do you have to what? You are telling me (innocent) is the one and he will be yours forever? Is that what you are saying?

Me: I am saying nothing except that I am happy with him

Him: I am saying I will never be happy with it. I believe you can be happy with someone I don’t want to run over with my car. I believe you fell for him because he did the “infamous” emotional swoop. He caught your attention only because you needed support through our breakup. Yes, he is otherwise a good person, but I fundamentally disagree with him taking advantage of my poor situation, and I will never ever be happy for you and him.
I think I might have had a second opportunity with you, were it not for him. I know at the very least, you and I would be better friends if he never existed. You had feelings for him long before we broke up, and if you had discussed your issues with me instead of with him, things would be different.
Right now, I don’t want to date you, so don’t go thinking I only hate him because I am not in his position.

Me: He had nothing to do with it. I practically attacked him just out of a six-year relationship. He did not exactly steal me from under you.

Him: I think regardless of you attacking him, it was his DUTY to say “no Christina, we can’t” and then completely avoid any further interaction with you, to avoid hurting his brother. I would have done that for him.

Me: He did try to stop me in the beginning. I want you to know that.

Him: I think you will hate me for hating this. We never fight about anything else. You could be dating ANYONE else, and I would have no problem.
You know me. I can’t hold a grudge. I even forgave (name of ex-girlfriend) for cheating on me. But I will never let this go, and I will hate it long after it is over.

Me: Then hate me, not him. He does not deserve your scorn. I have earned it for him.

Him: He was the one I knew it was happening, and you didn’t stop it for me, but now you will do fucking shit for him? How was his first time? Rockin’ I bet.
I can’t do it forever, and eventually my hatred for him is going to become dislike for you. I dread the day I remove you forever from my life.
You have decided that dating (innocent) is more important than having me as your BFF. Fine, I get it. Since that is your decision, I will acquiesce to your desire.
You don’t need me if he is everything. I am done enduring this. Fucking tell me what you really think of me. What am I to you? I am nothing.
I don’t want to go skydiving with you. I don’t want you to be there. Why don’t you go fuck (innocent) instead. I stopped myself just now from saying something truly terrible.
I want to be clear to you. MY decisions are all in response to YOUR actions. I can’t be your friend under these situations. I hate the world too much under these situations. I want to be myself again, and stop treating you like shit, but I can’t control myself under these situations.
Okay, I’m taking a deep breath.
I am probably going to berate you, alienate you, and make you hate me. And it is all (innocent)’s fucking fault. I have never hated anything before him.

Me: NAME, I don’t know whether to wait for you to talk yourself out or to tell you to go fuck yourself. I don’t need you in my life badly enough to put up with your PMS bitchy girl bullshit.

Him: Judge the situation. Is that really what you want? Is that really what you want to tell me while I am like this?

Me: No, but that is what you are leaving me.

Him: If I can stop myself from saying something I truly regret, will you stop yourself?
You don’t need me in your life? (innocent) is everything? Is that really how you want it to be?

Me: I did not say that.

Him: You have said it. You would rather date (innocent), and be with him, than have me in your life at all. What else do you want?
What do you need me for, hmm?
If I stay involved in your life, and you end up with (innocent)… I can’t accept it. I cant’ explain it more than I already have. I hope you understand it.

Fresh Slate

I work for a pharmaceutical company as part of my education at kettering university. We fill out lab notebooks, 75 sheets of paper, yellow and gridded for our data from the labs. I have had the same notebook since I started at this company, and today, I filled the last of my pages and was assigned a fresh new notebook. For some reason, this seems like a landmark to me. I have fresh pages and a new start. I can change my handwriting, the way I lay out my data, write in all caps, or do whatever I want. I have a chance to be new with a new notebook. It is unattached to any other thing I have done here. It has no project continued from my old notebook. It's an amazing feeling.